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CANINE  COLLEGIATE  REVIEW
June, 1999 Edition

WORLD  WIDE  CONFERENCE  ON  PRESSING  ISSUES  TO  BE  HELD  IN  JULY
          Arrangements are currently being made for concensus gathering and action formulating by an all night  series of conference calls on the Extra Sensory Notification Network during the second week in July.   The committees on action will meet by conference calls during the first week in July   and an abstract of  the  report on canine psychological aberrations made by Doctor Emeritus Minkley Houndog of  Cowford University will be aired shortly after midnight after the puppies are asleep.
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PAPER  ON  INTELLECTUAL  HIERARCHY  STIRS  CONTROVERSY
Professor Rudolph von Yelper of  Yodelberg University in Lucerne has set up the following hierarchy to explain the necessity of professional counselling in the placement of puppies  for  adoption by humanoid families:
1.  highest intelligence criteria    successful problem solving-  humanoid manipulation-survival habituation
      ( von Yelper states that this category includes only lupus type canines and  these should be placed only with elderly humanoids with ample country estates)
2.  adaptability criteria:  low anxiety -versatility in response-ability to do immediate evaluation   These are the only dogs that can be safely fobbed off on unstable humanoids.
3. rigidity criteria:  inability to modify archtypical behavior- self defeating destructiveness-inability to control barking.   Dogs of this type will probably be abused, go on the street, or be put to sleep.
The liberal elements of canine society see this attempt at categorization as a violation canine rights and will undoubtedly demonstrate if ideas of this sort appear on the political scene.
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PLANS UNDERWAY FOR "PEOPLE DAYS" IN THE COLDEST TIME
Rin Tin Tin College, long an advocate for patience with humanoids, believes that since people have set aside the hot days of midsummer to be known as "dog days", we in turn should allocate certain days as "people Days" and avoid all unpleasant exposure to the weather on these days.  Our roving reporter notes that the cafeteria at RTT serves only dry dog food, the curriculum offers only people approved subjects, and no alumni are noted for achievement other than the theater.
 
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